Pros and Cons Personality traits from my perspective

Pros                                                            Cons

Loyal                                                          Lazy
Honest for the                                             Insecure          
most part                                                     Impatient
Smart                                                          Hot head which has cooled down
Creative                                                      Dogmatic
Funny at times                                            Argumentative
Ambitious                                                   Defensive
Spontaneous                                               Oblivious
Free                                                             Sensitive
Open minded                                               Clingy
Tolerant                                                       Spoiled
Understanding                                             Quiet
Straight Forward                                          Boring at times
Confident                                                    
Goofy
Serious
Mature
Outgoing
Empathetic
Caring
Hopeful
Optimistic
Humble most of
the time
Spiritual
Religious
Family Lover
Conscientious
Helpful
Calm

Poem dedicated to my twin

This poem is dedicated to my twin who is going through some things it's not completed but its just how I felt and depict her emotions.

walk a mile in my shoes
and you will begin to feel the
blues
not blue as in the color
but blue as in the cruels
the cruelty of life
one step in my shoes
and you take a step
back twice
your heart will be sliced
walk a mile in myshoes
and you will have to pay
a price
walk a mile in my shoes
pay with pain and recieve
no profit
the change is inevitable
the hurt is non stop
the clerk is jerk
flirt in my shoes and get shot
watch one mile
equals one day in hell
feet filled with blisters
trapped in a
jail
tripping over yourself
get back so confused in
the trail

My Dream Last Night

These days I've been having the weirdest dreams like everything that is going to happen to me comes in a dream.  I am so happy but its scary at the same because sometimes I don't want to face reality. I had a dream that a good friend of mine was falling in love with some guy and e really convinced her that he was the one. Then when I was with her something told me that he was just a sweet talker and he really could care less about. Sometimes it boggles my mind how guys can careless about a female and only want to fornicate with her. This bothers me a lot and men wonder why women hate men. Anyways, I have no idea what that portion of my dream meant. Then later in my dream my father was flirting with some lady right in front of my mother and when the lady left he tried to coerce my mother and she wasn't buying it. Then a Jewish priest was praying in Jesus name and his prayer was not answered so he decided to call on Allah swt. That dream was so weird.

Reasons why I'm single and my thoughts about myself from first semester to second

Well, my first year of college is over and now I have been reflecting on my growth, mistakes and things about me which have changed. My outlook on life has definitely changed from when I first entered college until now. I'm reading my old blogs and laughing because of the things I use to say my language has definitely changed and the way I look at certain things has definitely changed. I thought I was such a good person in the eyes of Allah before but I really wasn't and I'm still not perfect and I will never be perfect. Sometimes I shake my head at my past ways like using profanity in my language and being concerned with dating etc. Sometimes we think we are good because of the people we are surrounded with are doing so much worse. I have learned that the company you keep is very important. I will begin to surround myself with more ambitious people who have goals and dreams and actually put them into action. Also, I want to surround myself with spiritual people who are believers and are trying to strengthen their faith. I will begin insha Allah to be the absolute best person I can be in this life so that on the day of Al Qiyyamum my book will have more righteous deeds than bad sins by the Grace of God. I have to put my best foot forward. I  did not do that well this semester academically which I expected because I did not put my best foot forward. I know that I am capable of accomplishing anything that I put my mind too and I am disappointed in myself. But I know I will make it through successfully by the Grace of God. My head is high and i'm ready to achieve my goals as long as God is by my side. I want to cover the reasons why im single in order to assess on the reasons why and by single I do not mean having a boyfriend. I mean engaged because it is known by muslims that dating is haram. God willing I want to get married by the time I graduate or I'm successful financially Insha Allah.

Reasons Why I'm Single

I'm too shy
I'm afraid to open my heart
I'm afraid of getting hurt
I think i'm not good enough at times
It's hard to come across a God fearing person
I do not trust easily
I'm insecure at times
I feel like no one will understand me
I think i'm boring
I may not be able to give the person my all
because Im too busy trying to figure myself out
I always expect my heart to get broken
and if not I usually get afraid when the real
thing comes along
and  I don't know how to handle it
I feel like im detached at times like
love will make me a weak person
Thats about it.

My Closet

middle school yearbook
African lace
Diary
Shoess
Lost style
Spontaneity
Scrap Book
Library

cuts and bruises

Day one
im almost done
my flesh has
become numb
and if I beg for help
no one will ever come
my feelings have been
released
the hurt is now deceased
and my pain has been
decreased
my sane I can keep
I mean the more I go deep
the more I lose heat
I cut in the bathroom sink
and let the blood leak through
my sheets
I can escape from the world
I can escape from these streets
Day two
its so true
the things you can do
that the deeper you cut
the better it feels
the feeling is too real
the pain that it heals
My hope has been killed
This life I can no longer
deal
I cut and I cut to be
devoured as a meal
I cut really fast
but the world stands still
im eating my inside
to escape from my out
I scream and I shout
but no one cares what
its about
my mothers upstairs
and no one ever listens
brother sells drugs
dad smokes in the kitchen
Day three
im so free
but this is not who I want
to be
Why can't they see? Why
can't anybody hear me?
Today I may have cut just a little
too deep, cut right through
my red ink
 my right hand is bleeding blood
on the sink
I can no longer think
my heart is skipping beats
racing in my shirt
the pain is in my veins
but the pain doesn't hurt
I almost pissed through my skirt
dad is yelling my name from downstairs
to come give him a match
I feel an itch in my heart
an itch I can't scratch
dad's knocking on the
door and my vision went black
my vision never came back
now that im gone and feelings
have been screwed in
I hope they can hear my cries
through my cuts and bruises

im not bitter

im not bitter
im just cold
cuz my heart has been
told
all these lies
that unfold
and the truth love never
holds
the tears always seem to control
my happiness was ripped and stoled
my feelings you have thrown
you littered the earth with my
heart and soul
im not bitter
im just cold
my love was once
gold
the sky above was once
old
you made it
black
now I cant get it back
im under an attack
lost in my heart and I cant
find a map
man I cant get on track
im running and im
running but
I feel young and dumb
I feel like a bumb
on sunny days your always there
but you leave soon as the rain comes