Ramadan Mubarak

This ramadan seems so special to me and so enticing. I'm ready to expand and grow closer to God. I also want Allah to prevent me from being a hypocrite, help me to develop sabr which is half of Eman and also learn from my mistakes. I have already taken measures that I have never taken before.

things that would make me fall in love

kisses on the forhead ..making me feel warm and safe..giving me butterflies when im around you..making me feel good inside..when my heart skips beats...taking me out randomly in the night to nyc to ride on a horse carriage or something..staying up all night with me watching the stars...heart beating at the same time mine beats..random kisses on the cheek because were friends too..making me comfortable enough to tell you anything without judging me..random massages...giving me time alone to think for myslef..not smothering me but not being too detached..not being able to go a day without thinking of me..making effort to make me happy with you...random long text messages about how he feels about me...real sentimental feelings..randomly picking me up from the back...him being protective over me...holding me when ever I feel down...actually being there...making me feel secure with the relationship..holding me tight ...having a little fear of me leaving which sows you care...telling me you miss me when im not there and how much you hate it when youre apart from me..listening to me when i speak...taking my advice into consideration...being a leader...smiling when you see me...buying me random gifts when i didnt even ask..making me priority....treating me different from the way you treat every other girl...caring about my feelings and my thoughts..showing that youll always be there when I need you...loving my cooking..smelling good..letting me wear your smell good sweaters..playing in my head...looking me dead in my eyes when you say I love you and mean it..being bold confident and taking risk...knowing how to take a joke..being funy.being confident but shy around me sometimes ...believing in God and everything he says including what he says about relationships. respecting my morals and truly undersstanding not just saying you understaand. having conversations with me and months and years later still remembering them and being able to spit back the information I told you about myself shows you listen and care. making an effort to draw me closer me closer to you showijg concern. respecting my decisions ..supporting my ambitions have a strong ambition. keeping your word and promises smelling good all the tikme i know I said that already but its important. Gwanting the best for me like you want the best for you..making me feel wanted..thinking as 1 not thinking just about you..trusting me with everything..being honest even if the truth will hurt me..putting God first before me...giving good advice..pushing me to better myself...making spontaneous gestures...trying different things..Loving your mother..being cautious of using profanity around me..giving me a cute nickname....smiling at me for no reason..being with me because you want to be not because you feel like you need to be...being genorous and not stingy..being intelligent ...telling me im beautiful or pretty once in a while ..including me in your plans...letting me know whos bos without having to yell or be abusive bout it..having courage...telling me how I much I mean to you..loving me uncondtionally

Girls you don't have too

Girls you don't have to
send him those freaky
pictures with poked out lips
so he can put you in
the picture
because soon after you took of your
shirt he dismissed ya
told his friends he never kissed you
and now you crying cause' he dissed ya
stop offering your body and start
offering your mind
Girls you don't have too but you do
it all the time
Is like we need a man to feel loved
a man to feel good
a man to tell us how to live like we
really should
Girl you don't have too
go back when he smacks you
but you still lack all the facts

Be who You Are

Find out what you're personal interest are. What makes you happy and what do you love to do? This is something that you should make an activity or hobby in your life. For instance, don't try out for the basketball team because your crush likes basketball players. If you try out for the basketball team just for your crush and you get cut you'll look like a loser. If your crush even notices that you try'd out and if you make it and you suck or you're simply mediocre you still don't stand out and that will not get the attention of the one you like. Or don't become a cheerleader for the football team because the person you like is on the football team. If you treat people like celebrities they will treat you like a fan. Your crush will not even care about nonetheless, pay you any attention. Also, you will lose out on the essence of who you are and what you were born to do. When you try to be someone else's perfect most of the time they don't even notice or appreciate it so you might as well do what you want to do. Most of all you want to be more happy in the end. It's like we go through all these different struggles just to impress people and they don't even notice or care. This is when you fall into feeling down about yourself because you're so busy worried about everyone else and what they think about you instead of yourself.  Most of the time you end up embarrassing yourself when you try to be someone that you are not. No one should feel ashamed if they are behaving this way or they tried to be someone who they're not to get attention or feel better about themselves. There is room for change and acceptance of ones inner self.
This is a process which does not work over night but takes time and practice. My freshman year of high school had the most embarrassing, confusing and funny moments of my life. These moments were so funny and embarrassing but they all made me stronger.

Why are you a Geek in Highschool?

You're a geek because you try too damn hard to fit in and you constantly perceive yourself as a geek.  You care too much about what people think about you and take irrelevant comments to the heart. You're always trying to be somebody you're not or get noticed, just focus on who you are and your dreams stop trying to be someone else's idea of popular or cool. As cliche' as it sounds it's the truth. People perceive you how you perceive yourself and if you see yourself as an outcast, wierdo or geek other people will see you that way. Just be yourself don't try to curse out the teacher because that's what you think the cool kids do. OR don't fight just because you want to prove your tough because if you get beat up you'll just be a bigger geek than you were before. Don't lie about the amount of girls you've had sex with just so no one makes fun of you and you can get people to think you're cool because it psychologically F's you up you go home knowing that you're a liar and a lame. Also, you can lose out on a good person who actually cares about you because you constantly lie about who you are and you attract the wrong people. Ever wonder why you can never find the right person? Sometimes it's because you're not being yourself and the person you're attracting is not compatible with the inner you instead the person you're attracting is interested in the persona that you made up which is fake. So the relationship is always short lived because sooner or later they find out you're not who you say you are. Also, if people find out you're lying you'll just look stupid and no one will respect you. Whilst on the other hand if you keep it real and say you know what I never had sex before i'm a virgin you might find a friend who will appreciate that. Instead of having to lie about who you are to get  friends because if you have to lie to someone to get them to be your friend they're not really your friend. It's that simple. Highschool is like this 4 years of bs curriculum which really doesn't benefit you in the future or prepare you for college. Excluding the fact that you need to do well in order to get accepted into a good university or be somebody in the future. There are different types of geeks however. I know this because I was a geek in high school lol. There's the type of geek that nobody likes at all. For instance the jocks pick on this person just because the person is weak and never stands up for themself. This geek may not be that smart he/she just gets picked on all the time because he's either annoying or easy to make fun of. There's the geek who doesn't know he/she is a geek. This type of geek persistently dick rides the popular people and always tries to be around them. This geek is popular though but still a geek in the mental because the person is not being who they really are or following their actual dreams and aspirations their following other people and not accepting the fact that they can't be other people. This person constantly does what he/she thinks is cool just because others are doing it. You ever realize the biggest geeks get tattoos? It's a compensation for being a corn ball. They're trying to cover up the fact that no one cares about them and they feel like if they follow a trend it will make them seem cooler or more important.  In fact their friends secretly do not respect them and talk behind their back they will never be cool because they are not being true to themselves they always lose. Then there's the smart geek who everyone hates because they're so damn smart and people wish they could be as smart as this geek. This geek always raises their hand in class to answer a question and this person is always the only one who knows the answer. This geek usually gets no love in high school but right after goes to an IVY league college after graduating as valedictorian and becomes the CEO of a fortune 500 company....to be continued

I just want the real thing

I just want the real thing. but I believe my needs may be way too much or my over obsession or over emotional ways may turn potentials away in the future.

Failure

I hate failure so much. It really bothers the crap out of me I always try to put up a fake smile and act like I can get through but it really affects me. I just feel like people will think I lost faith or they want a reaction which secretly will make them feel happy. For instance I feel like when I fail and I show that i'm affected by it it satisfies people. I don't want to satisfy anyone so I behave like I don't care but I really do. In fact, I've been experiencing a lot of failure these days and I don't know how to handle it and idk who to talk too. I hate telling my friends because I don't trust anyone with things like that. I just want to be successful in the long run. These days have been hard. This is really a test I hope I can pass. I know God is trying to make me stronger but I just want to achieve. I'm tired of stagnant progression. I always get a taste of success and then it's like a sike na. I'm tired of that it really hurts me inside. The more I try to go deeper in the seen the more obstacles I have to face. IDK if im strong enough to handle all of this. It's like my life was way better and smoother when I wasn't so much in the deen and I know its Shaytaan's way of trying to get you to lose your faith. I'm still holding on but I do get afraid and sad it's the truth. I'm only human and my mom constantly calls me weak because of that honestly it pisses me off. Like I'm suppose to fail and come out with a bright smile afterwards how is that realistic? I get scared that my dreams and goals will not be accomplished. As positive as I remain these days I have not been receiving positive results. Too many bumps on the road. I just want to be rich and have money. I mean yeah my parents always provide but i'm tired of depending on them I want MY OWN MONEY.  I don't want to be unappreciative to Allah and I try to be as grateful as possible but I just want to move up in life. I'm sick of being in the same spot or having to get a little taste of success and it goes away the next second this always happens too me. Like today I had an interview with TD bank and it was already hard enough to get an interview. So i'm like yeah ill put my best foot forward because I wasn't only doing it for the money I actually would like to work there. I always wanted to work there. But yeah I went through this long process and still didn't get the job and I had a feeling I wouldn't. It's always half way success with me I get the interview but not the job. OR I get the job but no hours. IT's like I can never win and it's really bothering me. I just want to be successful is that too much to ask for? and I hate when people tell me don't worry about it because they're not in my situation and they do not know what it feels like to almost get something ALL THE TIME. I always ALMOST MAKE IT. I ALWAYS GET A TASTE but never the real thing. And that's in everything, love, happiness and success. I just want it all. I'm trying to remain positive but this is rally bringing me down like will I ever make it? I'm tired of dreaming I just want my goals to be reality. Like I hate when I pour my heart and soul out into something and then I get no results. I constantly put my heart and soul into everything that I do and then I still get nothing. Maybe I'm not looking at the brighter side of things but it's hard to when i've been in the rain so long. I mean yeah I know there are people worse off than me but that doesn't make me feel better about my situation. Like I really want to make it I believe one of my greatest fear is failure. Yes my main goal is Janna but I want to succeed on this life as well I want my cake and I want too eat it too. But I guess life doesn't work like that. I guess I also have to work harder and realize my mistakes. I haven't experienced success in a while. I'm tired of half way, maybe's and sorta kind's. I just want the real thing.