I feel like

I feel like an ignorant mind will forever be ignorant until they realize they are ignorant. I feel like God comes just in time. I feel like if I spoke my mind 100% of the time no one would like me. I feel like quiet people are quiet because they don't know who they are and when they speak no one listens. I only care about myself because I feel like no one cares a bout me. I feel like half the guys I messed with wanted to just get in my pants. I feel like a lot of males in my generation do not know how to treat females. I feel like the world is flat because no one can think for themselves. I feel like the book I have to read for class is unnecessary. I feel like I keep running into the wrong ones and I keep getting chased by the same ones. I feel like I was born to write. I feel like no one cares about how I feel like. I feel like I have too many fake friends and not enough real ones. I feel like I will never be understood. I feel like no one cares enough to understand. I feel like I'm more hated than celebrated and I can't wait till the day I can say I made it. I feel like high school was bullshitt and college is extra. I feel like this blogg is the shitt. I feel like a lot of these guys don't understand me when I say I'm not like the rest of these females. I feel like I care too much about what people think. I feel like I give the best advice but never use it. I feel like the weirdos have the best to offer the world. I feel like all fake people should die ; the world would be a better place. I feel like failure is the root of achievement. I feel like working to get to heaven is better than working to get rich. I feel like when I die a lot of people wouldn't care. I feel like I can never get who I want. I feel like inner city fashion is the flyest. I feel like I need to stop procrastinating. I feel like those who give the best advice make the most mistakes. I feel like after you did it once it is not a mistake.

Imperfections

I'm insecure, sometimes I have a lisp when I talk, sometimes I care what people think about me, I have a weird dimple on the right side of my mouth, sometimes my words don't come out right, I can be boring sometimes, sometimes I laugh too hard at things that are not that funny, I'm 18 with braces and a gap in between my two front teeth, my toes are big, my hands are long and skinny, my boobs sit like stars, my hair is nappy, I wear weave like its mine, I can't walk out the house without something nice on, I'm sensitive, I'm always complaining about being tired when I didn't even do anything, I forget things easily, I procrasinate all the time, I'm afraid of failure,  my forehead is big, my lips are huge, my eyes are bigger than normal, my legs are bowlegged, I eat every time I'm bored or sad,  I'm afraid to be in love, I'm afraid of being hurt, I have big toes, I get nervous around certain people easily, I laugh after I say something mean so it doesn't come out to offensive,  I judge people, sometimes I'm a little too cocky, sometimes I'm a little too down, sometimes I'm a little too happy, I think I can say whatever I want, sometimes I hate people, I pay haters too much attention, very emotional, I'm either real mean to a guy or real nice, I give good advice but never use it,  I don't understand myself, I have big dreams and I'm not doing enough to achieve them, I wish my life was perfect but its not so I hope one day ill find the person who can accept me for all of my imperfections. <3

Hope on the Track

I was a  dumb naive eighth grader when it happened. In the eighth grade, I wore my box braids proudly and I ran for the Winslow Township Middle school track team. The Winslow middle school track team was one of the best in South Jersey and Coach Martin was very picky about who he allowed to run track meets. After practice everyday was a drag because the coach never recognized my athletic ability. I mean I was lazy but thats not the point. I was still one of the decent runners on the team and the coach would not even put me in any track meets. Sometimes during practice Coach Martin would even pick a sixth grader or seventh grader to run against me. This always made me feel like nothing. Even though I was not obese I felt like one of the outcast who neve got picked to play dodge ball. I wanted to prove myself so bad but Coach Martin would always point out the negatives when I ran instead of the positives. One day we had a relay  run during track practice to determine who would be on the relay team during championships. Martin totally broke down my self esteem. My best friend Lamisha was one of the captains and Destiny was the other captain. They both began to pick and choose their teams and I sat on the field feeling like no one would pick me. Finally, Lamisha called my name and I was one of the last people to be picked on a team. Even my best friend did not want to pick me sheesh I thought to myself. I was the first one to run in the relay so I tied my shoe laces and inhaled a deep breath of fresh air. It was hot ninety-three degrees and the  100% cotton shorts I was wearing did not make it any better. I looked around the green grass on the field and the clear blue sky on the eighty - three degree day. 

"Hawa" Coach Martin called.

Get on the line and run the 400

with Natasha. 

I nervously walked to the third lane of the track with my heart thumping out of my chest and blood rushing to my brain. I knew this was my chance. This was my chance to finally prove myself to the bald head coach who I knew secretly did not like me. The seventh grader Natasha happily skipped to the first lane with her hair bouncing displaying no sign of anxiousness.  Coach Martin walked over in his purple track suit and sponge bob whistle smiling as if he knew I would not win the race. Okay everyone stand aside the track and next up after Natasha and Hawa is Christine and Destiny.  

Coach Martin grabbed his whistle preparing himself to say ready..... set..... go. I put my hands down on the line and my left foot behind m right with my head down. Natasha stood at the line with confidence double blinking jumping around as if the race would be a piece of cake. Coach Martin looked with eyes of expectation as he looked at Natasha as if he could be nothing but sure that she would smoke me in the race.      "Ready" Coach Martin Shouted to Natasha and I. 

The field became silent and the only thing you could hear were the birds chirping in the sky.  

"S-e-e-e-e-et," Coach Martin stretched out like a five foot long subway hoagie. 

"GO," my feet picked up from the ground faster than I could think. I felt like I was flying the adrenalin rush and anger in my heart began to kick in. I reached my ultimate speed by the time I reached half the track and Natasha was about ten yards behind me. I could not believe that she was behind me. I kept my head straight running and striding to the best of my ability. I could hear Natasha behind me attempting to  catch up and pass me. 

"Come on Hawa," my team screamed.

"You can do it," Lamisha cheered.  

I was 100 yards away from the fish line my braids were blowing from the breeze hitting my face. The sweat in my armpits began to seap through my green winslow township shirt. I could hear Natasha's feet in the background attempting to pick up speed and I handed the paton to Chrisitne. Christine shot off like a rocket on the track and my team had a 50 yard head start against the other team because of me. I put my hands on my head gasping for air and smiling at the same time. Coach Martin looked at me with a face of recognition and embarrassment. I gave him the "Haha I did it sucka face." I won.  

Black Men

Black men why do you call your women bitches? It is the women from which you came from without her you would have no existence Black men take off your medallion chains slavery ended in 1865  you are no longer a slave Black men I know it's hard when you feel like you can't make it and most of you say it's the white men which you blame but when the world gives you thunder then you fight it back with rain Black men you think not getting an education and smoking weed is cool But most of you should know that Bob Marley went to school Black men I see the pain in your eyes with lost hope of being able making it out but Barrack Obama did it so I know you can survive Black men hold your ladies and tell her how much you love her stop treating her like an object her placement is higher  than underneath the covers Black men the henessy in your cup does not compensate for the fluid in your brain ciroc does not define the true meaning of your name Black Men according to statistics you are the dying breed either locked up in cells, or on the block selling coke or weed Black Men you can get back up cuz in autumn you see the fallen leaves but in the summer time the leaves blossom and turn green Black Men you are the developed countries biggest fear because as soon as you realize how powerful you are mental oppression will disappear Black Men you don't know how smart you really are Your rough nappy hair represents the struggle which you conquered You were born to be a star Black men it hurts me inside to see so much potential but you seem to let black history collide with your credential Black Men please read, pick your pants up from your knees, stop calling yourself a NIGGA allow M.L.K to Rest in Peace. You are powerful. Live the dream. because I love you. Black Men.

The men's half lies

letting imagination take over

putting his penis in your brain

he says hell love you till the death

of him his deep voice drives you insane

you drive to Ukraine with hopes of understanding his aims

lost love held in your bald up fist hoping

you can find it in his mane 

running your hands through his brown hair 

starting of you're txt to him like Dear

Guy the world says half of you lie

but you're penis was sincere so I had 

to give you a try 

you're penis is my world its my soul

the only way I feel like gold 

fuck my heart it already died 

fuck the shitt out of my soul

lets see what our sex with holds

it makes me feel safe and secure

with every stroke

fighting past the subconcious pain I endure

with every moan

and everytime you let go you have me screaming

for more 

virginity thoughts got my mind wounded

from soars

I know after we're done our chemistry

will fall to the floor

I wish we could truly be in love

but its the men's half lies

you told me you love me and changed

after you got out from between my thighs  

The Rumor (Anecdote)

Im in love

I'm in love with this blog. Like I really have days when I want to curse some people out and I just blog.
Some days I want to make a positive difference and I just blog and hope someone reads it lol. Everyday something crazy happens. There is never a dull moment in my life but I'm such a chill person two and two doesn't mix together. The more I blog the more I learn about myself and the world around me. Today I found out I'm afraid to flirt back with guys because I'm afraid I'm going to say something stupid lol. Im such a geek lol.  Plus I want the dude to know I am not one of these low life females. All these whores make good girls look bad.  I feel like in school if we had interesting topics to write about like this blog everyone would get an A. Like who cares about Plato how did he benefit my life? Did he put money in my account or pay my tuition? No.  I believe in life to make it better we should focus on the most essential needs. For instance, Abraham Maslow's first claim of hierarchy of needs which is oxygen, food and water. There are people starving everyday and nobody cares. Today I volunteered for tenting for Lion Ambassoder's at PSU and no one really wanted to give. I mean we still raised a decent amount of money after making people feel bad with puppy faces. But just think about it. It is so easy to go in the mall and see something for $20 and buy it but so hard to give someone $1 to buy a happy meal. Like what is wrong with society? Tupac once said in an interview before he died that one of his questions has never and will never be answered. Why does the government claim they care about homeless people and etc. However, they do not allow the homeless people to live in the white house when there are a numerous amount of rooms in the white house? It goes to show how dysfunctional the government is. I want to curse so bad but I want to prove that I can express my thoughts without having to use profanity.

Good Morning World.

There are a few things I feel the need to address. Ladies and Gentlemen live your life to the fullest a little too vague but do whatever  you want fuck what people think. Easier said than done but no matter who you are someone will find a fault therefore you might as well be yourself. Being yourself is pretty much the easiest job you'll ever have. Listen to the Drake album and buy Wale's ambition. Ambition is a mind set. The real her, Take care, Practice and Under Ground Kings are the best songs on the album in my opinion on the Take Care album by Drake. Wale's whole album is effin dope. Beside the music aspect of culture right now I want to address human relations. I feel like our human race is slowly killing ourselves. I don't want to sound like a preacher but fuck it. Males are growing less and less respect for females and females are growing less respect for themselves. When you browse social networks such as Facebook, twitter etc females barely have any clothes on and males encourage this by commenting and saying "damn," "sexy" and "bad bitch."I feel like a female should not have to feel like the only way she is sexy is by showing her body on the internet. Males seem like they do not have a mother and father around anymore. If males had a mother and father around I believe their parents would teach them how to take the role of a man. Also, they  would know how to speak to a female. Also,  I blame the females for disrespecting themselves showing their bodies is just objectifying themselves. No one sees you they just see your boobs and ass. Even if a guy is attracted to you, you'll never know if he likes your boobs or your face.  Marriage is not encouraged as it was in the past.  But this not surprising because sex before marriage has been normalized in society. This results in males not being pressured to get married. Think about it. Why would a man want to marry a female he has already had sex with, lives with and does everything that he would have done if he was married to the female. This defeats the purpose of marriage. The percentage of teenage pregnancy is increasing. Babies are having babies without having a father around. When a father is not around it destabilizes the environment which the child is raised. This seems to become a never ending cycle. I hate when guys ask for a naked picture, a freak picture or a picture with you showing certain body parts. I remember a guy asked me to send him a body picture and I said hell no. No matter what they say do not do it. Some may even say I'm not going to show anybody please send it to me. Say hell no. You never know who you will become in the future. This is something that can be used against you. This goes for girls as well you should not be asking to see a guys body parts if you are a minor. Do not send naked pictures. If you get caught, you can get charged for child pornography if you are under the age of eighteen. This world makes me shake my head.  Hope for change.
-Obama.

SEX.SEX.SEX

All week I have been hearing about sex, sex and more sex like stfu! I have a bad migraine every time I hear someone complain and moan about how horny they are. I'm tired of hearing about it twenty- four seven, seven days a week I feel like society is full of animals running around in the jungle without having a clue of how to control their privates. My friend said its because I don't get any lol. But that is not the case truthfully its just annoying because I don't want to get intimate with anyone who I'm not married to. I have too much respect for myself. Guys just stick it in and move to the next dumb chick like I do not want to be classified with these loose ass girls. No wonder why in the United States statistics show that we have the highest rate of teen pregnancy and std's among the developed continents.  In communications class all we spoke about was sex and how advertisers  use it to sell their products to consumers. Sadly this seems to be the most rapid  way to get the attention of the audience. SEX sells is the most utilized tactic to sell in the advertisement world. I am sick and tired of wanting to hear quality music and all I see is sexual appeal. If I want to watch a quality movie all I see is sex.  I turn the tv channel sex. I am speaking to my friends all they say is I want to have sex. When I'm talking to a guy to get to know him this question always comes up: "so when you going let me have it?" like never thirsty. This makes me not even want to get in a relationship.

the motto freestyle

originality died
so they buried me alive
the infant in Somali
holds my rhymes when
he cries
worms in his stomach
along with stolen money
bee stings on his face
cuz of stolen honey
its not sweet in the street
when u can't afford the sugar
no teeth to chew
no tissues to wipe your boo gars
flies on his face, lies you can taste
if I don't win first place then I die in
the race

potential love

he said my expressions are too vague
so he listens to my stories to see if we're on
the same page
one day we'll sing love songs
on the same stage
telling his  friends how he feels
leaving his emotions at stake
telling me to take care while he's
 listening to drake
I believe....
if love was a lake you would make it an
ocean
if beauty was magic you're the creator of the potion
Your feelings are like Janet's boobs
out in the open
no need for hoping I'm certain you'll be there
you make me feel safe
I use to hide the key to my heart just in case
I'm like we can't go mainstream society is too stupid
but Ironically I managed to get shot by cupid
You're someone I could vibe with
someone I could jive with
someone I can be like our heart beats at the same time
so when it stops you're someone
I will die with.
my heart is in his palm
we love hand in hand
it's something called trust
no one really understands
threw them pain killers away
cuz soon as you came the pain went away

How cute

You did your hair and your boyfriend didn't even notice. How cute.  I studied and still did bad. How cute. Black man trying to get an education and not be another statistic. How cute.  You underestimated my ability and I exceeded your expectations, your surprised? How cute.  Dropped a mix tape? Nobobdy listened to it? How cute. You changed for a relationship and the relationship still didn't change? How cute. You care about what people think so you have low self esteem. How cute.  Your not there for me but you want me to be there for you. How cute.  I will make it. sounds cliche right? but when it happens Ill hear from those I didn't her from in years, How cute. You go out of your way to get attention. How cute. I'm doing me. You mad? How cute. So annoyed by this blog righhhhttttt. How cute lol. Think I changed. damn How cutte. with two t's lol.

Bye Boy/Girl.

You're rapping just to get buzz? Bye  boy. You're tatted so that means im going to automatically talk to you bye boy. Shorty talks about people to compensate for her insecurity bye girl. You need me to be there for you but you don't want to be there for me bye girl. Oh, Oh, so u think you different from the rest of em? bye boy. You think cuz he calls you a bad bitch it makes you a wife? bye girl. Why do you wear the same fit it and hoodie every other day? bye boy. You called me ugly before but now you want my number, bye boy.

Wrong ways to start a convo with a girl/ Right ways to start a convo girl

1Yo ma whats your name?
2Damn, whats ya name?
3Ay bay bay
4Yo shorty come here
5Can u please give me your number cuz
I really need a girlfriend?
6So who's the lucky guy? (this may work
7for some guys) but don't try it
8You a bad b*** ( this may work for stupid/ghetto girls)
9) Whats your favorite color? ( if you're 18 and older using this
jump off a cliff lol)
10) Yo ya a** fatt.

1) If you see her carrying a lot of books, excuse me miss
do you need help? strike a convo from here.
2) Boy: Do you have a minute? Girl; No. Boy: Well I have two so ill give you one of mine.
strike a convo from there.

Eating till I drop

These days I have been so stressed with school so I have been eating away my stress. Thank God I have a fast metabolism I would have been Fat Albert by now. Every time I think about school I eat so I can comfort myself. I am eating chicken right now thinking about it. I now understand why people drink and smoke. But I can never go that path but I now have a deeper understanding on why people do it.  God is also my stress reliever I put my hope and faith in him and I believe everything will be fine.  I am really in my own world now afraid of failure so afraid that if I say I'm afraid I'm afraid that I will fail because I said Im afraid. I have failed many times in my past which has molded me into the fighter I am in today. But its to the point now where I want to know what winning feels like. Not to say I have never achieved in the past of course I have but I know what real achievement feels like. Te kind of achievement which people recognize. I want to make it God help me make it. Help me help myself so you can help me.  I need to focus block the world out and and get my life figured out. I feel like I know what I want and I need to look at it and only see it and everything else in the way I should put to the side and look at my goal only. Life is such a con artist. She comes around and gives you a taste of the good and takes it away as soon as it touches your tongue so she can laugh at your stupidity. Something I have learned is that nothing good comes without hard work. Everything good that comes is through hard work and dedication. Hard work and dedication will get me to my destination.

The best time and place to think

The best time to think is when you're in the shower with the water running down your back and the soap soaked around your body with your mind clear and eyes closed reflecting on your daily routine and life. Also, with the dirt physically being washed away you can think of how to mentally wash away the dirt from your life the people who may be a negative influence on your life so the people who are a positive influence can come in. When you wash your hair you can wash away all the bad memories stuck in your mind so you can have room for the good memories soon to come.  What you can do to improve yourself as a human being not an animal, follower, dog or a copy cat.  You can think about different ways to progress in life better yourself and build up motivation to go after your desires. You can think about the one you care for.

2.) The second best time to think is when you are taking a dump in the bathroom. The whole pound of waste that comes out of your body feels like a whole bunch of dirt that has just escaped from your system. You can think about what you need to get done for the day. The numerous humorous events that happened you can laugh at the embarrassing things as you sit on the toilet and defecate.

3.) The third best time to think is when you're swimming or playing a sport alone. Swimming in the water gives you alone time you can become this mystical creature that you have always wanted to be. Also, you can relax your mind and stimulate your though process through relaxation. This time in the water alone makes you feel free gives you the freedom you need from the outside world.

I wish

I wish the world was racial free
I wish I wouldn't have to keep thoughts
to myself because ppl can't handle the truth
I wish there was a place for me on Earth
I wish hip hop was focused on the progression'
on the black community instead of the dumbing
down of our culture
I wish I could find the guy who loves everything about me
I wish life was perfect
I wish I could visit heaven
I wish I wasn't so naive
I wish I could be accepted for who I am
I wish I would've known how stress relieving this blog was
before
I wish the little girls in Pakistan were not sold into Prostitution
I wish Islam did not have so many negatives tags along with the religion
I wish my hair was longer
I wish I was really intelligent
I wish I was prettier
I wish I had a mustang
I wish I had a scholarship to college
I wish life would hug me instead of slap me in the face
I wish my mother and I were closer
I wish I didn't fight all the ppl I fought in the past
I wish I didn't hurt anyone who I have hurt in the past
I wish I didn't care what people think
I wish I wasn't afraid of anything
I wish I wasn't so stressed out about school
I wish people would take the time to get to know me
before they label me as a mean stuck up person
I wish I could become a doctor
I wish I could become a rapper
I wish I didn't waste my time on these guys
I wish life was fair
I wish I could trust everyone I call my friend
I wish I could change my eyes into different colors
I wish I was a genius
I wish the world revolved around me
I wish I didn't have nightmares
I wish I could meet God
I wish there was no such thing as evil
but to get another view point on life
from my perspective
I wish and wish and one day my wishes
I wish I didn't get a period but I could
still have babies and be clean
I wish I could read minds
I wish I could fly
I wish I was more confident
I wish life was prettier
I wish and wish and one day my wishes
will be granted xoxo