I get that a lot.

You weird
Different
Nobody
Ugly
Pretty
Quiet
Making it in life
Big lips
Pretty eyes
Big gap

Impossible to find

Believes in God
In school/college
No kids
No insecurities
A job that pays over $10 an hour
Attractive
Not only after that one thing
Ambitious
Smart
Not a smoker/drinker
Clean dresser
Muslim
No ex wives
Faithful
Loves everything about you

Bullshitt

You have been in a relationship for over six
years and he didn't put a ring on it cuz he's
not ready yet? Bullshitt
He loves you but he's messing around
with every girl that comes around and
he never talked about establishing anything?
Bullshitt
They tell you you can't do something
because they can't? Bullshitt
Your teacher underestimates your intelligence
and tells you your not dumb you just need
to apply yourself? Bullshitt
Because your black you can not speak
grammatically correct and raise
your hand in class to answer questions?
Bullshitt
It really costs you 20k or over a year because
 your college has to maintain the school?
Bullshitt
They call you ugly because they don't understand
your beauty and they want you to have low
self esteem like them? Bullshitt
Someone randomly asks you a question
and when you want to know why they ask
they say "just asking." Bullshitt
Martin Luther King Jr. can resist
against violence but can't resist
in the bedroom and prevent cheating
on his wife? Bullshitt
Show your ass a titties if you're
a female trying to make it in the music industry
because thats the only way you can
attract an audience? Bullshitt
He/she says they're different from
the rest? Bullshitt
You bad bitch? Bullshitt
He calls you wifey without
a ring on your finger and you
feel special haha bullshitt

God, music and College= life tomorrow is not promised

God, music and college are my life. I  remember when I use to say God is with me mommy lol. Definitely have been trying to strengthen my faith because tomorrow is not promised. I asked my self two nights where do I think I would go if I died tomorrow? Heaven or Hell?  I had no answer and in order to be more secure with that answer I need to become the best possible person I can be in life. Music is my life even though I have not fulfilled her to the full extent we will meet one day hand in hand and never let go. College is the main focus right now thats the real reason why I haven't pursued music to my full potential. I can't wait to fully come out I'm ready to change the world for the better. The semester is almost over and its crazy I feel like I'm growing up too fast lol. After high school it seems everything is a blur and life just flies by. Tomorrow is not promised.

thought I was ugly

If you saying that I'm ugly
then I feel bad for your eyes
cuz they will never get a chance
to lay their vision on a prize
if it wasn't for the music
I would've met my demise
think you living on the truth
but you dying with the lies
 my heart  use to hate me
wanted to escape me
thought that I was ugly
cuz they didn't want
to date me
now I'm sentencing
lyrics after he tried
to rape me
now my life is becoming
clearer as I realize







Lions keep glaring at me
black eyes breathing
fighting against evil bad spirits
not leaving f shaytaan
middle finger to the heathens
its only Allah that I'm pleasing
and believe in
unfaithful ones need to see him to believe
him  spitting for the  fame
nah I'm spitting for a reason
lost souls with no goals
looking for a home
and its cold outside
so I'm always out alone
Qulhuwallahuahadin Allahusamudin
God is the only one can't  nobody stand above him
dont censor the curse nigga censor my music
the media is cowards so they mute what the truth is
when I'm done in the booth I swear to leave em
toothless these days lies is showing love
and honesty is ruthless, I choose this route, then I  move this out,
lying and then crying; you the creulest out,
sinning without acknowledgence now you fearing the consequence?
its apostorous, how you goon be content with being monstrous
boasting about your wrongs now you losing your confidence?
toasting to other songs like their really your accomplishments.
ppl start to change when the money and the fame come but Ima stay same
cuz I never been a lame bumb,  scrutinizing slums, then they losing like
they won, coming back looking for more but you don't really want none
you the same one, we equal, we taking energy in from the same sun
the sky gray nigga its a sad day nigga,  its a bad day figure
you spitting bs cuz you got nothing to lose,relying on the beat, its called rhythmetic abuse tie your own laces no one can fit in your shoes
spitting for many years spitting for many hours I planted the seed my flow
blossomed into rose flowers



I want violets in my grave


you see the conscious and my wit
with ever







life is too short
so im

ILoveYou

Why would you tell her that you love her

knowing you only want to fuck her ?

Telling her you want to cuff her

but you're not thinking nothing of her

Making her feel like your love will truly  be

the healing...for her pain

I always wanted to know if men

really have feelings?

or when some of you lie do you ever have shame?

OH I get it as long as your semen is ejected then you don't give

a damn if her feelings are rejected.

the only thing you envision is your penis

and her vagina being connected

so you tell her you love her...with the sad

face eyes and the sin filled lips

filled with the bold face I love you's that really don't exist

Sex is your master your dick is the whip

after you're done picking cotton then you 

feel like you're the shitt 

admit just to make sure she believes you

you seal your lies with a kiss

leaving her with no voice and no choice

but to believe you after this

She thinks to herself he really loves me he really cares

he's different from the rest

but she never noticed the silence

of your heart beat when she

lays her head on your chest

your heartless lies are literally crushing

her hopes and dreams

of  marrying prince charming

when you're only a walking semen

waiting to get in her

and you wouldn't even be her coat

if she was butt naked cold in the winter

when you look in her eyes don't you see your

mothers cries

the same guys that played your mother in the past with the same

disguise

you are the reason for babies being born out of wedlock

so don't ask your dead beat father why??

you are a walking emotionless zombie with no purpose

but fulfilling your animalistic desires

in and out in and out of her vagina lips

giving you temporary power

how powerful are you?

after you hit it once then you never came back

well a hit and run is a misdeamener motherfucker

you gon have to serve some jail time for that

hurting her will not raise your worth as a human being

you have killed more generations than Europeans

with your slave eyes that you see in

with you're fake passionate smile

and your crusty ass feet

afraid to offer her true love

so you offer her your

rotten meat 

you thinking you're playing 

her but its only your heart you deceive 

cuz the day that you're really in love 

and you get down on one knee

she'll know that you're a liar 

and tell you she found out about your

sexually transmitted disease 

Agenda in Life before I die

Happiness [ X]
Success   [X]
Rapping [X]
Love []
Marriage []
Children []
Making a difference []
in the world
Doing Good in School[/]
Spiritually inclined [X]
Forgiving my Enemies []
Live life like there's no tomorrow []
Performing []
Getting poetry published [/]
Making others feel better [idk]

Fear

Fear of failure. Fear of not making it. Fear of being hurt. Fear of not achieving my goals and realizing my dreams. Fear of never reaching my full potential. Fear of never being in love.

He doesn't know

He doesn't know how much I look at his
profile (not a stalker lol)
He doesn't know how I much I notice him
more than he notices me
he doesn't know how badly I want him to approach me
he doesn't know how hard it is for me not to look
at him
he doesn't know how interested I am in him
He doesn't know this blog is about him
and he'll never be able to guess
he doesn't know how much I admire
his energy
he doesn't know how fast my heart
skips when he comes into the room
he doesn't know how badly
I want to get to know him
he doesn't know how much I think
about him and why he is always staring
he doesn't know how sad I am to find out
he might be leaving
he doesn't know how badly I want to talk
to him but I'm afraid and I don't want
him to think I'm just another girl who likes him
and he doesn't have to work for me
he doesn't know ....but I want him too..
without getting hurt.

Guys that stare part 2

Here's a story about a guy that use to stare at me days on end my junior year of high school I'm going to be as honest and precise with this story as possible. So the story goes like this I use to sit in the cafeteria with my friend Yana and Cedes during lunch. I would always mind my business get my lunch and as I'm walking back to my table this dude who sat in the table in front of me would just stare until I sat in my seat. His table was in front of mine and he was seated with his back facing mine but would always would manage to turn around and look at my face.  So yeah I'm like maybe its just me thinking he's looking he's not paying me any attention. I'm thinking in my head I swear someone is always looking at me lol. That same night he adds me on fb. I'm not putting any names out there. So yeah I post up a status and he always likes it lol. I'm like ok thats cool it's only a status whatever. I put up another status like "you slept on me so now ill be you're worst nightmare."  He decides to comment and say something like oh if you ever need anyone I'm here for you I would never hurt you. This is scary cuz idk this dude from anywhere what you mean I'm here for you? smh people are crazy. But thats not even the crazy part. So yeah he keeps staring in school never says anything just stares and to add to that not attractive at all.  I hate calling people unattractive because beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder but his unattractiveness was too evident.  He'll probably find a good girl but I was not her. Back to the story, the next day he continues to stare for like a period of 2 weeks and he decides to message me on Facebook. He's like wasssup? I didn't want to respond but I was like ill be nice and say hey. He responds: like I see you in school we never really spoke but you bad ass hell and I would be cool if we were only friends. Whats your number? #1 don't say we never really spoke because we never spoke at all and we have no mutual friends what so ever so I don't know you. #2 We would only be friends because you're not attractive and I'm not over exaggerating. It was scary to have someone like that staring on a daily basis. #3 He wrote to me a sif we knew each other like we possibly had a connection that I didn't know anything about that was crazy. But yea this just goes to show how confident unattractive dudes are and are never afraid to make a move when they stare. But the attractive guys never make moves.

Guys that stare

I mean I have been through this a million times in my life. I just feel like getting it off my chest. Why do guys stare? Like continuously days on end? Am I that interesting to look at? It's so annoying. Well not all the time but like if you feel the need to stare so much just speak. Only if you're decent looking of course. I'm not shallow but I do not want to get to know you as more than a friend if you do not even look decent enough to look at. I'm always trying to figure out what a guy is thinking when he stares. I'm in my own world minding my business turn around and a random guy is staring dead in my face wtf do you want? lol It's mad creepy to just sit and stare and not say anything. Especially if we never had a conversation cause that just means you're staring for the hell of it. I always wanted to know why a guy would rather stare at me than speak. It's crazy because the ones that stare that I want to say something never do. But the unattractive, ones that stare are the most bold and confident and always speak. It is so ironic to me that unattractive guys are more confident than attractive guys. I feel like unattractive guys are use to rejection therefore, if you say no they don't care. But it will crush an attractive guys heart if he was rejected. I guess. IDK.  But I don't think I'm that pretty but like some of these guys are too confident. I'm mean the unattractive ones. I can look past looks up to a certain extent. But if you can't even get your hair cut and switch up your hoodie's during the week don't talk to me. lol   Maybe guys that stare are shy. Idk or maybe you're staring in a bad way like why she look like that lol??? Idk what to think when guys stare at me,  I always wanted to know.

Old Me vs NEW ME (reflection) 14-15 vs 17-18

The old me would have been down and sad that you didn't text me back. But the new me did not even notice. The old me would've hit you, fought you and disgraced you for calling me a bitch but the new me will tell you lames such as you do not exist. The old me would care that you stopped talking to me over a period of three months the new me just would not give a fuck. The old me would have cried for getting a C on a test but the new me would just work harder and do better on the next one. The old me would care that you're a fake friend and even care to ask why you changed?  The new me would expect you to be fake because it's human nature. The old me would want to fight you if you were rude. The new me would feel bad for you because you hate yourself thats y you feel the need to be rude to others in order to make yourself feel better.  I won't even ask y you're not talking to me cuz idgaf. The old me would approach you if you were talking badly about me behind my back and be upset. The new me would be happy because it means I'm important in your life and you must be jealous if you feel the need to talk about me. The old me would be surprised if something went wrong the new me would expect it.  The old me would be nervous around you the new me would look at you as a human being. The old me would care about you the new me does not.

I Want that love

I want that love that will last for eternity until were in our heaven beds. I want that love that has our heart beating at the same time. I want that love that makes us have an in depth understanding of one another. I want that love that it is so deep I do not have to tell you something is wrong before you know. I want that love that I don't have to continuously tell you I love you for it to show. That love that makes my heart skip beats every time we meet. That love that makes my private cringe. That love that makes my head feel light and my worries go away. That love that makes me not want to go apart from you in even one day. That love that makes me feel like the world to you. That love that makes you the world to me. That love that never dies. That love that will always survive. That love that God is the force and we are the union. That love that keeps us together. That love surrounded and cherished by our imperfections. That love that I dream of is only a blessing. 

I feel like

I feel like an ignorant mind will forever be ignorant until they realize they are ignorant. I feel like God comes just in time. I feel like if I spoke my mind 100% of the time no one would like me. I feel like quiet people are quiet because they don't know who they are and when they speak no one listens. I only care about myself because I feel like no one cares a bout me. I feel like half the guys I messed with wanted to just get in my pants. I feel like a lot of males in my generation do not know how to treat females. I feel like the world is flat because no one can think for themselves. I feel like the book I have to read for class is unnecessary. I feel like I keep running into the wrong ones and I keep getting chased by the same ones. I feel like I was born to write. I feel like no one cares about how I feel like. I feel like I have too many fake friends and not enough real ones. I feel like I will never be understood. I feel like no one cares enough to understand. I feel like I'm more hated than celebrated and I can't wait till the day I can say I made it. I feel like high school was bullshitt and college is extra. I feel like this blogg is the shitt. I feel like a lot of these guys don't understand me when I say I'm not like the rest of these females. I feel like I care too much about what people think. I feel like I give the best advice but never use it. I feel like the weirdos have the best to offer the world. I feel like all fake people should die ; the world would be a better place. I feel like failure is the root of achievement. I feel like working to get to heaven is better than working to get rich. I feel like when I die a lot of people wouldn't care. I feel like I can never get who I want. I feel like inner city fashion is the flyest. I feel like I need to stop procrastinating. I feel like those who give the best advice make the most mistakes. I feel like after you did it once it is not a mistake.

Imperfections

I'm insecure, sometimes I have a lisp when I talk, sometimes I care what people think about me, I have a weird dimple on the right side of my mouth, sometimes my words don't come out right, I can be boring sometimes, sometimes I laugh too hard at things that are not that funny, I'm 18 with braces and a gap in between my two front teeth, my toes are big, my hands are long and skinny, my boobs sit like stars, my hair is nappy, I wear weave like its mine, I can't walk out the house without something nice on, I'm sensitive, I'm always complaining about being tired when I didn't even do anything, I forget things easily, I procrasinate all the time, I'm afraid of failure,  my forehead is big, my lips are huge, my eyes are bigger than normal, my legs are bowlegged, I eat every time I'm bored or sad,  I'm afraid to be in love, I'm afraid of being hurt, I have big toes, I get nervous around certain people easily, I laugh after I say something mean so it doesn't come out to offensive,  I judge people, sometimes I'm a little too cocky, sometimes I'm a little too down, sometimes I'm a little too happy, I think I can say whatever I want, sometimes I hate people, I pay haters too much attention, very emotional, I'm either real mean to a guy or real nice, I give good advice but never use it,  I don't understand myself, I have big dreams and I'm not doing enough to achieve them, I wish my life was perfect but its not so I hope one day ill find the person who can accept me for all of my imperfections. <3

Hope on the Track

I was a  dumb naive eighth grader when it happened. In the eighth grade, I wore my box braids proudly and I ran for the Winslow Township Middle school track team. The Winslow middle school track team was one of the best in South Jersey and Coach Martin was very picky about who he allowed to run track meets. After practice everyday was a drag because the coach never recognized my athletic ability. I mean I was lazy but thats not the point. I was still one of the decent runners on the team and the coach would not even put me in any track meets. Sometimes during practice Coach Martin would even pick a sixth grader or seventh grader to run against me. This always made me feel like nothing. Even though I was not obese I felt like one of the outcast who neve got picked to play dodge ball. I wanted to prove myself so bad but Coach Martin would always point out the negatives when I ran instead of the positives. One day we had a relay  run during track practice to determine who would be on the relay team during championships. Martin totally broke down my self esteem. My best friend Lamisha was one of the captains and Destiny was the other captain. They both began to pick and choose their teams and I sat on the field feeling like no one would pick me. Finally, Lamisha called my name and I was one of the last people to be picked on a team. Even my best friend did not want to pick me sheesh I thought to myself. I was the first one to run in the relay so I tied my shoe laces and inhaled a deep breath of fresh air. It was hot ninety-three degrees and the  100% cotton shorts I was wearing did not make it any better. I looked around the green grass on the field and the clear blue sky on the eighty - three degree day. 

"Hawa" Coach Martin called.

Get on the line and run the 400

with Natasha. 

I nervously walked to the third lane of the track with my heart thumping out of my chest and blood rushing to my brain. I knew this was my chance. This was my chance to finally prove myself to the bald head coach who I knew secretly did not like me. The seventh grader Natasha happily skipped to the first lane with her hair bouncing displaying no sign of anxiousness.  Coach Martin walked over in his purple track suit and sponge bob whistle smiling as if he knew I would not win the race. Okay everyone stand aside the track and next up after Natasha and Hawa is Christine and Destiny.  

Coach Martin grabbed his whistle preparing himself to say ready..... set..... go. I put my hands down on the line and my left foot behind m right with my head down. Natasha stood at the line with confidence double blinking jumping around as if the race would be a piece of cake. Coach Martin looked with eyes of expectation as he looked at Natasha as if he could be nothing but sure that she would smoke me in the race.      "Ready" Coach Martin Shouted to Natasha and I. 

The field became silent and the only thing you could hear were the birds chirping in the sky.  

"S-e-e-e-e-et," Coach Martin stretched out like a five foot long subway hoagie. 

"GO," my feet picked up from the ground faster than I could think. I felt like I was flying the adrenalin rush and anger in my heart began to kick in. I reached my ultimate speed by the time I reached half the track and Natasha was about ten yards behind me. I could not believe that she was behind me. I kept my head straight running and striding to the best of my ability. I could hear Natasha behind me attempting to  catch up and pass me. 

"Come on Hawa," my team screamed.

"You can do it," Lamisha cheered.  

I was 100 yards away from the fish line my braids were blowing from the breeze hitting my face. The sweat in my armpits began to seap through my green winslow township shirt. I could hear Natasha's feet in the background attempting to pick up speed and I handed the paton to Chrisitne. Christine shot off like a rocket on the track and my team had a 50 yard head start against the other team because of me. I put my hands on my head gasping for air and smiling at the same time. Coach Martin looked at me with a face of recognition and embarrassment. I gave him the "Haha I did it sucka face." I won.  

Black Men

Black men why do you call your women bitches? It is the women from which you came from without her you would have no existence Black men take off your medallion chains slavery ended in 1865  you are no longer a slave Black men I know it's hard when you feel like you can't make it and most of you say it's the white men which you blame but when the world gives you thunder then you fight it back with rain Black men you think not getting an education and smoking weed is cool But most of you should know that Bob Marley went to school Black men I see the pain in your eyes with lost hope of being able making it out but Barrack Obama did it so I know you can survive Black men hold your ladies and tell her how much you love her stop treating her like an object her placement is higher  than underneath the covers Black men the henessy in your cup does not compensate for the fluid in your brain ciroc does not define the true meaning of your name Black Men according to statistics you are the dying breed either locked up in cells, or on the block selling coke or weed Black Men you can get back up cuz in autumn you see the fallen leaves but in the summer time the leaves blossom and turn green Black Men you are the developed countries biggest fear because as soon as you realize how powerful you are mental oppression will disappear Black Men you don't know how smart you really are Your rough nappy hair represents the struggle which you conquered You were born to be a star Black men it hurts me inside to see so much potential but you seem to let black history collide with your credential Black Men please read, pick your pants up from your knees, stop calling yourself a NIGGA allow M.L.K to Rest in Peace. You are powerful. Live the dream. because I love you. Black Men.

The men's half lies

letting imagination take over

putting his penis in your brain

he says hell love you till the death

of him his deep voice drives you insane

you drive to Ukraine with hopes of understanding his aims

lost love held in your bald up fist hoping

you can find it in his mane 

running your hands through his brown hair 

starting of you're txt to him like Dear

Guy the world says half of you lie

but you're penis was sincere so I had 

to give you a try 

you're penis is my world its my soul

the only way I feel like gold 

fuck my heart it already died 

fuck the shitt out of my soul

lets see what our sex with holds

it makes me feel safe and secure

with every stroke

fighting past the subconcious pain I endure

with every moan

and everytime you let go you have me screaming

for more 

virginity thoughts got my mind wounded

from soars

I know after we're done our chemistry

will fall to the floor

I wish we could truly be in love

but its the men's half lies

you told me you love me and changed

after you got out from between my thighs  

The Rumor (Anecdote)

Im in love

I'm in love with this blog. Like I really have days when I want to curse some people out and I just blog.
Some days I want to make a positive difference and I just blog and hope someone reads it lol. Everyday something crazy happens. There is never a dull moment in my life but I'm such a chill person two and two doesn't mix together. The more I blog the more I learn about myself and the world around me. Today I found out I'm afraid to flirt back with guys because I'm afraid I'm going to say something stupid lol. Im such a geek lol.  Plus I want the dude to know I am not one of these low life females. All these whores make good girls look bad.  I feel like in school if we had interesting topics to write about like this blog everyone would get an A. Like who cares about Plato how did he benefit my life? Did he put money in my account or pay my tuition? No.  I believe in life to make it better we should focus on the most essential needs. For instance, Abraham Maslow's first claim of hierarchy of needs which is oxygen, food and water. There are people starving everyday and nobody cares. Today I volunteered for tenting for Lion Ambassoder's at PSU and no one really wanted to give. I mean we still raised a decent amount of money after making people feel bad with puppy faces. But just think about it. It is so easy to go in the mall and see something for $20 and buy it but so hard to give someone $1 to buy a happy meal. Like what is wrong with society? Tupac once said in an interview before he died that one of his questions has never and will never be answered. Why does the government claim they care about homeless people and etc. However, they do not allow the homeless people to live in the white house when there are a numerous amount of rooms in the white house? It goes to show how dysfunctional the government is. I want to curse so bad but I want to prove that I can express my thoughts without having to use profanity.

Good Morning World.

There are a few things I feel the need to address. Ladies and Gentlemen live your life to the fullest a little too vague but do whatever  you want fuck what people think. Easier said than done but no matter who you are someone will find a fault therefore you might as well be yourself. Being yourself is pretty much the easiest job you'll ever have. Listen to the Drake album and buy Wale's ambition. Ambition is a mind set. The real her, Take care, Practice and Under Ground Kings are the best songs on the album in my opinion on the Take Care album by Drake. Wale's whole album is effin dope. Beside the music aspect of culture right now I want to address human relations. I feel like our human race is slowly killing ourselves. I don't want to sound like a preacher but fuck it. Males are growing less and less respect for females and females are growing less respect for themselves. When you browse social networks such as Facebook, twitter etc females barely have any clothes on and males encourage this by commenting and saying "damn," "sexy" and "bad bitch."I feel like a female should not have to feel like the only way she is sexy is by showing her body on the internet. Males seem like they do not have a mother and father around anymore. If males had a mother and father around I believe their parents would teach them how to take the role of a man. Also, they  would know how to speak to a female. Also,  I blame the females for disrespecting themselves showing their bodies is just objectifying themselves. No one sees you they just see your boobs and ass. Even if a guy is attracted to you, you'll never know if he likes your boobs or your face.  Marriage is not encouraged as it was in the past.  But this not surprising because sex before marriage has been normalized in society. This results in males not being pressured to get married. Think about it. Why would a man want to marry a female he has already had sex with, lives with and does everything that he would have done if he was married to the female. This defeats the purpose of marriage. The percentage of teenage pregnancy is increasing. Babies are having babies without having a father around. When a father is not around it destabilizes the environment which the child is raised. This seems to become a never ending cycle. I hate when guys ask for a naked picture, a freak picture or a picture with you showing certain body parts. I remember a guy asked me to send him a body picture and I said hell no. No matter what they say do not do it. Some may even say I'm not going to show anybody please send it to me. Say hell no. You never know who you will become in the future. This is something that can be used against you. This goes for girls as well you should not be asking to see a guys body parts if you are a minor. Do not send naked pictures. If you get caught, you can get charged for child pornography if you are under the age of eighteen. This world makes me shake my head.  Hope for change.
-Obama.

SEX.SEX.SEX

All week I have been hearing about sex, sex and more sex like stfu! I have a bad migraine every time I hear someone complain and moan about how horny they are. I'm tired of hearing about it twenty- four seven, seven days a week I feel like society is full of animals running around in the jungle without having a clue of how to control their privates. My friend said its because I don't get any lol. But that is not the case truthfully its just annoying because I don't want to get intimate with anyone who I'm not married to. I have too much respect for myself. Guys just stick it in and move to the next dumb chick like I do not want to be classified with these loose ass girls. No wonder why in the United States statistics show that we have the highest rate of teen pregnancy and std's among the developed continents.  In communications class all we spoke about was sex and how advertisers  use it to sell their products to consumers. Sadly this seems to be the most rapid  way to get the attention of the audience. SEX sells is the most utilized tactic to sell in the advertisement world. I am sick and tired of wanting to hear quality music and all I see is sexual appeal. If I want to watch a quality movie all I see is sex.  I turn the tv channel sex. I am speaking to my friends all they say is I want to have sex. When I'm talking to a guy to get to know him this question always comes up: "so when you going let me have it?" like never thirsty. This makes me not even want to get in a relationship.

the motto freestyle

originality died
so they buried me alive
the infant in Somali
holds my rhymes when
he cries
worms in his stomach
along with stolen money
bee stings on his face
cuz of stolen honey
its not sweet in the street
when u can't afford the sugar
no teeth to chew
no tissues to wipe your boo gars
flies on his face, lies you can taste
if I don't win first place then I die in
the race

potential love

he said my expressions are too vague
so he listens to my stories to see if we're on
the same page
one day we'll sing love songs
on the same stage
telling his  friends how he feels
leaving his emotions at stake
telling me to take care while he's
 listening to drake
I believe....
if love was a lake you would make it an
ocean
if beauty was magic you're the creator of the potion
Your feelings are like Janet's boobs
out in the open
no need for hoping I'm certain you'll be there
you make me feel safe
I use to hide the key to my heart just in case
I'm like we can't go mainstream society is too stupid
but Ironically I managed to get shot by cupid
You're someone I could vibe with
someone I could jive with
someone I can be like our heart beats at the same time
so when it stops you're someone
I will die with.
my heart is in his palm
we love hand in hand
it's something called trust
no one really understands
threw them pain killers away
cuz soon as you came the pain went away

How cute

You did your hair and your boyfriend didn't even notice. How cute.  I studied and still did bad. How cute. Black man trying to get an education and not be another statistic. How cute.  You underestimated my ability and I exceeded your expectations, your surprised? How cute.  Dropped a mix tape? Nobobdy listened to it? How cute. You changed for a relationship and the relationship still didn't change? How cute. You care about what people think so you have low self esteem. How cute.  Your not there for me but you want me to be there for you. How cute.  I will make it. sounds cliche right? but when it happens Ill hear from those I didn't her from in years, How cute. You go out of your way to get attention. How cute. I'm doing me. You mad? How cute. So annoyed by this blog righhhhttttt. How cute lol. Think I changed. damn How cutte. with two t's lol.

Bye Boy/Girl.

You're rapping just to get buzz? Bye  boy. You're tatted so that means im going to automatically talk to you bye boy. Shorty talks about people to compensate for her insecurity bye girl. You need me to be there for you but you don't want to be there for me bye girl. Oh, Oh, so u think you different from the rest of em? bye boy. You think cuz he calls you a bad bitch it makes you a wife? bye girl. Why do you wear the same fit it and hoodie every other day? bye boy. You called me ugly before but now you want my number, bye boy.

Wrong ways to start a convo with a girl/ Right ways to start a convo girl

1Yo ma whats your name?
2Damn, whats ya name?
3Ay bay bay
4Yo shorty come here
5Can u please give me your number cuz
I really need a girlfriend?
6So who's the lucky guy? (this may work
7for some guys) but don't try it
8You a bad b*** ( this may work for stupid/ghetto girls)
9) Whats your favorite color? ( if you're 18 and older using this
jump off a cliff lol)
10) Yo ya a** fatt.

1) If you see her carrying a lot of books, excuse me miss
do you need help? strike a convo from here.
2) Boy: Do you have a minute? Girl; No. Boy: Well I have two so ill give you one of mine.
strike a convo from there.

Eating till I drop

These days I have been so stressed with school so I have been eating away my stress. Thank God I have a fast metabolism I would have been Fat Albert by now. Every time I think about school I eat so I can comfort myself. I am eating chicken right now thinking about it. I now understand why people drink and smoke. But I can never go that path but I now have a deeper understanding on why people do it.  God is also my stress reliever I put my hope and faith in him and I believe everything will be fine.  I am really in my own world now afraid of failure so afraid that if I say I'm afraid I'm afraid that I will fail because I said Im afraid. I have failed many times in my past which has molded me into the fighter I am in today. But its to the point now where I want to know what winning feels like. Not to say I have never achieved in the past of course I have but I know what real achievement feels like. Te kind of achievement which people recognize. I want to make it God help me make it. Help me help myself so you can help me.  I need to focus block the world out and and get my life figured out. I feel like I know what I want and I need to look at it and only see it and everything else in the way I should put to the side and look at my goal only. Life is such a con artist. She comes around and gives you a taste of the good and takes it away as soon as it touches your tongue so she can laugh at your stupidity. Something I have learned is that nothing good comes without hard work. Everything good that comes is through hard work and dedication. Hard work and dedication will get me to my destination.

The best time and place to think

The best time to think is when you're in the shower with the water running down your back and the soap soaked around your body with your mind clear and eyes closed reflecting on your daily routine and life. Also, with the dirt physically being washed away you can think of how to mentally wash away the dirt from your life the people who may be a negative influence on your life so the people who are a positive influence can come in. When you wash your hair you can wash away all the bad memories stuck in your mind so you can have room for the good memories soon to come.  What you can do to improve yourself as a human being not an animal, follower, dog or a copy cat.  You can think about different ways to progress in life better yourself and build up motivation to go after your desires. You can think about the one you care for.

2.) The second best time to think is when you are taking a dump in the bathroom. The whole pound of waste that comes out of your body feels like a whole bunch of dirt that has just escaped from your system. You can think about what you need to get done for the day. The numerous humorous events that happened you can laugh at the embarrassing things as you sit on the toilet and defecate.

3.) The third best time to think is when you're swimming or playing a sport alone. Swimming in the water gives you alone time you can become this mystical creature that you have always wanted to be. Also, you can relax your mind and stimulate your though process through relaxation. This time in the water alone makes you feel free gives you the freedom you need from the outside world.

I wish

I wish the world was racial free
I wish I wouldn't have to keep thoughts
to myself because ppl can't handle the truth
I wish there was a place for me on Earth
I wish hip hop was focused on the progression'
on the black community instead of the dumbing
down of our culture
I wish I could find the guy who loves everything about me
I wish life was perfect
I wish I could visit heaven
I wish I wasn't so naive
I wish I could be accepted for who I am
I wish I would've known how stress relieving this blog was
before
I wish the little girls in Pakistan were not sold into Prostitution
I wish Islam did not have so many negatives tags along with the religion
I wish my hair was longer
I wish I was really intelligent
I wish I was prettier
I wish I had a mustang
I wish I had a scholarship to college
I wish life would hug me instead of slap me in the face
I wish my mother and I were closer
I wish I didn't fight all the ppl I fought in the past
I wish I didn't hurt anyone who I have hurt in the past
I wish I didn't care what people think
I wish I wasn't afraid of anything
I wish I wasn't so stressed out about school
I wish people would take the time to get to know me
before they label me as a mean stuck up person
I wish I could become a doctor
I wish I could become a rapper
I wish I didn't waste my time on these guys
I wish life was fair
I wish I could trust everyone I call my friend
I wish I could change my eyes into different colors
I wish I was a genius
I wish the world revolved around me
I wish I didn't have nightmares
I wish I could meet God
I wish there was no such thing as evil
but to get another view point on life
from my perspective
I wish and wish and one day my wishes
I wish I didn't get a period but I could
still have babies and be clean
I wish I could read minds
I wish I could fly
I wish I was more confident
I wish life was prettier
I wish and wish and one day my wishes
will be granted xoxo

Respect.

I do not want to so

3 types of guys

1. Good Guy. Family oriented. Loves his mom.  Tired of females saying they want a good guy and then when he comes along he gets played. Not that good looking but he is smart with a mountain load of confidence sometimes. Respects females, the queer among his friends who writes poems for his girlfriends. Thinks of romantic dates so he can make his girlfriend happy. Has been hurt many times tried to resort to becoming a player but realized it wasn't for him. Would do anything to make his girl happy but feels females take advantage of that. He is not perfect but tries his best. His friends always call him stupid or whipped for treating his girlfriend so good.

2. Lame Guy. Dates the girl that he thinks is the easiest to get. Would do anything to get some so he can brag to his boys and seem cool. He is a virgin but he will never admit it. He drinks and smokes only when he is around his boys.  He always talks about how different and real he is. Always talks about his tattoos to prove his importance. He always checks to see what his friends think about the girl he likes before he tries to talk to her. Talks a lot. Calls girls bitches. Wears only what is in style at the moment. Afraid to be himself. He will never embrace a girl emotionally/affectionately around his boys. Brags about getting high, or his minimum wage job. Lost. Confused. Acts different towards his girlfriend around his boys. After high school he didn't do much with his life. His boys don't respect him but he acts like he doesn't know.He will get a good girl and treat her like dump because he wants to be a player like his friends.  After he loses her he will realize she was a good girl but it will be too late to get her back.  

3. Different/ Stand out Guy.
Looking for a girl who can offer something intellectually. Hard working wants to do something with his life. Thinks for himself. He can be a player but when he finds the right one he will put that aside. The leader out of his friends. He treats hoes like hoes and ladies like ladies. Went through a lot in the past which he seems to keep to himself. The girl who he reveals his deep feelings to is the one. Keeps most of his deep thoughts to himself. When he comes into the room something about him gets attention. No matter how corny or wack something he says is everyone laughs because he said it. Every girl wants to be with him and every girl wants to fight his girlfriend. He is tired of girls liking him because of his social status. He is always looking for a real and different girl and never seems to find her.

Stupid Questions. Smart Answers. -don't be offended lol

Are You a virgin? That doesn't matter, but when you get a std it will
How old are you? old enough
What made you come to college? My wallet died.
Are you insecure? Yes, we have something in common
Why did you wear that? cuz I know who I am
Why do you talk like that? I don't let others control the way I speak
Why are you single? I keep running into ppl like you
Crush: What do you like about me? Everything but that question
What happened to us? realization
Why are your parents so strict? They actually love me
Are you a fashion major? I have a brain.
Why did you do your hair like that?same reason your mom let you out the house like that
Why do you look nice? some things come naturally when you're blessed
Why don't say good morning to me? There is nothing good about the morning or you
Why you act  like you can't speak? you're the expert at acting, u tell me.
Why are you so deep? Cuz I speak from the soul
Why are you always working? Hard work beats talent when talent doesn't work hard
Why are you so quiet? The loudest shorty in the room is usually the brokest, reiteration of Wale
Why are you so weird, random- because you're not use to real people
Why do you take certain things so seriously? Jokes are a nice way of saying the truth
Why don't you curse in your raps?  Cursing comes from a small mind expressing his/herself forcefully
Why do you play all these  unknown artist? Playing mainstream only will make you stupid
Why are you so slow?  creative minds take time
Why did you change? If you think I change you never knew me
Why are you so opinionated? The world is dying slow thought I try to save it.
Where do you live? This dirty place called Earth
Why don't you drink? I don't need to be under the influence to speak the truth
Why don't you smoke? I want to die at the right time
Why you waiting until marriage? I don't want to end up like you
Why are your lips so big? I had a lot of negative things to say but kept it to myself.
What is the BLACK perspective on this topic? I didn't know I had to dumb down my viewpoint to an inanimate object in order for you to understand.

Random thoughts

im so tired
5 more weeks
I have to finish strong
im so tired
im scared to say I have to finish
strong because I'm afraid of failure
red bangs I should get em
that wouldn't look right though?
fake people think their real
real people don't have to think about it
second nature
human nature Mike Jack come back
I ignore the fakes and try to be nice
what am I talking about?
Wale is the ishh
idc what anyone says
I wonder who will win the 2012 presidential election
a lot of people would be mad if Obama won again.
Haha, ummm yea I need to go home
and do my homework

This boy I know (clean version)

You use to be a good boy
Never stuck up or arrogant
now you tryna be a hood boy?
You use to leave me happy and
satisfied.
calm and collected
Now all you think of is
yourself you just
want to be respect
you got me feeling all types of
messed up lost and neglected
who do I go to now?
you're the only boy that I can mess with
Money coming in now
I know you want me back cuz I can sense it
Things are going a little smooth
got me a new figure
the only thing left is a new boy
and boys don't ask to fight the boy
cuz you'll have to fight me cuz lifes
the boy.

Feeling Down

Lately a lot of things have been making feel a little down. I am staying as positive as possible.

"The Rise"

I broke out of the dirt and they
tried to push me back
I broke out of the violence still
they paint my heart black
burying my pride with humbleness
I stay alive
Eating every bar is the only way I can
survive
I'm up earlier than the sun so you know I'm
on the rise
It's like I already won so I'm
something like a prize
Music is the escape the world is the case
I'm breaking through it just like the planet
of the apes
cuz when I'm the ground there is no one to be
found
As soon as I shoot up the clowns always stand around
I'm seeing through the eyes of a Somalian Child
My stomach is crying hunger but I can't eat now
Cuz the pain in my belly, plus the sweat on my back plus
 the weight on my brain= a chick that spits crack
 I'm alone in a desert and lions want to attack
the only weapon I have is my faith and spitting raps
So i spit then I roar then the lion roars more
I try to put up a fight knowing Im scared to the core
the lion claws on my face and I fall on the sand floor
left with three deep wounds that turn into a soar
I grab the sand in my hand and throw it in the beast's eyes
I get right back up cuz I'm always on the rise
The lion is my conscious my greatest ally
IF losing if the death of me then I will never die
been spitting for many years but haters don't want to hear
time to to put these Lion(lien) haters on the rack so they clear
clearance
two black roads and one leads to death
two  two black roads and one leads
the other one leads to the Devil on his left
to be continued...

What I have to offer

Well, since I have the longest criteria list, I am listing what I have to offer. I have to offer a lot of emotional support. I will actually listen and care about the most of the things that you talk about. I will actually try to push you to excel and better yourself. I will expect the same thing in return. I will tell you the truth most of the time even if it will hurt your feelings.  I don't nag a lot even though it may seem like it lol. Also, you get to be with a pretty decent lady lol. I am funny when you really get to know me you need a little laughter and a relief from stress in life. I have my own money I will not be on your neck for a $ buck. If your hungry and you don't feel like going to micky d's i got you lol. If I don't know how to cook it will learn only if you're worth it though. I am a hard worker when it comes to school and money. I want to succeed in life I don't just want to sit on my ass and look pretty. I am an artist. I will love to write poems or songs about someone I care about. This I have never done before no one has ever deserved it. I hope no one reads this blog lol.  But yea I have to offer good advice which most people don't listen to and realize I was right in the end. I need advice myself I will expect this in return. A muslim girl with morals and respect for herself. Once I say I will do something I will try my best to follow through. I know how to put myself together  meaning I keep myself up. I like to see others succeed and make it. I will always motivate the person who I am with. I remember I treated some guy differently around my friend that is something I will never do again. Something that I have not done again because people are not worth giving up someone special to you. Therefore, I will treat you the same in front of everyone. I am not perfect and I do not expect the perfect person.

My criteria

Most say that the picky people will stay single forever but I refuse to lower my standards.   Im not looking for prince charming because I don't believe in fairytales. I love everyone and I am as open as I can be. But yea here goes my criteria: He has to be some kinda weird I mean not to the point where he is annoying but to the point where he can put up with my bs. lol Also by weird I mean have his own style and swag not some duplicated Wiz Khalifa dude. Someone I can hold an intellectual conversation with and someone who is creative. Not that I have anything against Wiz Khalifa but the flyest thing is when a dude has his own style. Also patience is key since I move really slow compared to most girls. I want him to be some kind of funny/ goofy lol and have a sense of humor. Who wants someone with a stick in their ass all the time? I love someone with some kind of artistic ability whether it is singing, rapping, poetry, drawing, humor, fashion etc. Someone who I feel safe with. By SAFE I mean he can defend himself I don't want to get robbed and the dude is hiding behind me lol.  He has to have some kind of self esteem I don't want to be the one to pick up the pieces of your insecurity. Faithful definitely don't get in a relationship if you cannot commit to one person. Trustworthy. I want him to know how to cook I can cook somewhat  but I  want someone that will treat me once in a while lol. Color doesn't really matter to me I must admit I use to care but now I do not see the point in limiting my  options to race. My English is horrible right now, random thought. Anyways,  he has to smell good =. You don't have to have on muslim oils 24/7 but it will be nice to have a signature scent it adds to your presence.  Someone who will listen to my stories lol and laugh even they are not funny. You don't really have to laugh but it would be nice if you listen. I definitely cannot deal with a disbeliever. God comes first before me. Money? Im not a gold digger but I believe you should have enough money to survive on. Education is important please tell me you graduated high school and you're at least thinking about going to college? Or you went to some kind of school, trade or prep program after high school. Someone who isn't afraid to express the way he feels about me or anything and cry in front of me because he feels I will think he is weak. Someone that values, trusts and respects me. Please don't be a drug addict. Cigarettes are nasty and weed is illegal where I'm from at least. I don't care too much about drinking just don't be a drunkard.  Also, don't front in front of your friends never happened to me but dudes have a tendency to do this. Don't ever say lets keep it on the low. FOH you should be lucky you have the opportunity to show me off.  Never happened to me but it has happened to people I know. Don't ever call me bad, sexy, boo, wifey, my thing thing, boop, stank all those names are bs. They don't mean shitt. Also if you're over 24 and you're still in moms house that is not a good look.  My age range is 18-21 btw.  Maybe 22. This age range may fluctuate but I will never go over 23. Also, don't think anything is going to happen before marriage I do not have to go into detail about what I mean. I am not that kind of girl. Of course you do not have to meet each criteria which I have posted but at least 70-80%.

Boy meets Girl

Boy: What's wrong with you
Girl: I hate

Black Roads

Two black roads and one leads to death
The other one leads to the devil with his left
hand man the son of Satan
The Qu'ran is the most powerful weapon in my
hand
Three gun shots and I don't know where to stand
Cuz I always been an outcast like hunchback of
Notre Dame
Beauty in the Dark cuz my vision is blinded
If you looking for another me you will never find
it

my best friend lives in Venus

Her name is Septulla
she has green hair
always telling me
dig your nails tell the
haters you don't care
she eats the fireballs from
the sun
purple skin that has no acne
I wish my face was that clear
black eye balls without a dot
she writes too she's on her
way to the top
she goes to Saturn
to record
always asking me about Earth?
She can't survive on our planet
cuz she's allergic to oxygen

random thoughts/ I can't believe

I looked up in the sky
to see a heart shaped cloud
if you a wierdo u can say it loud
and proud
I guess we in now
everytime I fail it pushes
me to the top
laughing at my situation today
but tomorrow you'll have nothing
to say
I cry everytime I write
 I let my pen do the expressions
my soul absorbs the pain
I'm always full like a fat guy
basement full of tornado water
room full of your cologne
scared to say some things
must of you won't understand

I can't believe I am already half way through the semester.

Free imaginative thoughts

I want to grow like a lily
in the swamp
I want breathe like an infant
that came to the world
and had to breathe the first
breath of Earth's air
Can I be free like Eve
was naked
at least Adam wasn't a player
Can I have a free
mouth without duct taped
so the truth doesn't escape
and fly like the sun
and mysteriously free like the moon
I want to be more free
than Nakshimi in Sold
Free like a nerd in college
free from ignorance and
being content
let me walk barefoot
soo my toes can breathe
beautifully free without
having to breath the pollution
in the air
I want to experience photosynthesis
at natures best
 lay my head down
so my mind can rest
free from failure
filled with achievements
free from a shot blood
artery in my heart
my nails grew black
after I lost my freedom

Why I write

I'm writing like God put this pen and 

paper in my hand

Opening my mind to lyrics

I can't even understand 

I'm writing for the earthquake that 

occured in Japan

I'm writing for the hunger and 

starvation in Sudan

I'm writing for the girl that doesnt 

know where to start

cuz every boy that she's been with left her

with a broken heart

I'm writing for the blessed ones

I'm writing for the cursed

I'm writing like Charles Dickens

for the best of times and the worst

Why does wrong look right?

Why does right look wrong?

Why can't people pay attention

to the words in a song?

I'm writing for the truth that was 

there all along 

I'm writing from the morning 

to noon until dawn. 

I'm writing for the single mother 

whos crying till she bleeds

cuz she just lost her job 

and there is no money to feed

I'm down both knees begging my creator please

cure the disease and bless others to believe 

The black lake

blakc lake lost
sake too many
mistakes can't

:I love my new apartment

I

What is beauty?

Beauty is honesty. Because honesty is hard to be whilst lying is easy. Beauty is Confidence. If you're beautiful without knowing your beautiful anybody can tell you your ugly and you'll believe them.  Also, you're beauty will be useless because you would not know how to implement it into your life. Beauty is unity. It is sad when we separate because of conflict, especially because of race, religion and sexual orientation. Beauty is diversity. A group of different people or things that stand out and allows a room for tolerance and understanding. Beauty is tolerance. The ability to understand another culture other than your own takes discipline and a person with an open mind. Beauty is courage. Courage is beautiful because the courageous understand the difference between being afraid and still standing up and being afraid and using that as an excuse not to stand up. Also the courageous know the difference between oppressing others and standing up for what you believe in. Beauty is freedom. The ability to be who you want to be and not care what others think about it. Beauty is intellectuality. The ability to seek knowledge and care to know. Beauty is justice. When each member of the same society receives the equal rights established by law. Beauty is honor. The courtesy to honor the people who have enabled you to succeed or make it in any aspect of achievement. Beauty is artistry. The ability of one to express their thoughts through drawing, poetry, fashion, music and etc. Beauty is Complimentary. The ability of someone to compliment something that is beautiful instead of undermining the beauty because you feel it is a threat towards your beauty.  Beauty is you. Beauty is understanding. The ability for one to understand something else besides their own strong personal beliefs takes maturity. Beauty is knowledge. When someone is very well informed of the world around them it is beautiful because it shows the person can help others who are not informed.   Beauty is victory. Victory is beautiful because to win takes hard work and dedication the victory proves that the hard work had a purpose. Beauty is you.

Class Blog name poems from the perspective

A Dork Named JEN

Im a Dork so that means
I like video games and pickles
my boyfriend gets mad cuz
I don't tickle so he fickles
I snort when I laugh and my
hearts a litte brittle so I fiddle
like I'm malcolm in the middle


A Greek Man
I don't need to think
hard I leave that to
my ancestors

Brain Excretement

Brain excretement
so they've seen then
my electric neurons
will shock you into
a new lens
purple slime on your
cerebrum will have
wanting new trends
cerebral fluid in your new
mends


Finishing soon

something Ill never rap

h

Once a .....Always a ....

Once a hater always a hater. Once a liar always a liar. Once an abuser always an abuser. Once a wierdo always a wierdo. Once a lover always a lover. Once a gangsta always a gangsta. Once a player always a player. Once a fighter always a fighter. Once an honest person always an honest person. Once a hitter always a hitter. Once a womanizer always a womanizer. Once a rapper always a rapper. Once a nerd always nerd. Once a hypocrite always a hypocrite. Once a loser always a loser. Once a punk always a punk. Once a poser always a poser. Once an idiot always an idiot. Once a racist always a racist. Once a biggot always a biggot. Once a winner always a winner. Once an artist always an artist. Once a New Jersian always a New Jersian. Once New Yorker always a New Yorker. Once  a Professor always a Professor. Once a Doctor always a Doctor. Once a happy camper always a happy camper. Once a debby downer always a debby downer. One a dancer always a dancer. One you go hard you ill always go hard. Once you hate life you will always hate life. Once a success always a success. Once an outcast always an outcast.

Free write (misunderstood).

the mic is my brain
the holder of the insane
I can't seem to contain all
these emotions and explain
one minute I'm the love
next min I'm  the hate
Hungry ass lions
tryna eat me off the plate
I'm only a human being
so I'm bound to make
mistakes
The world spins around
misunderstanding
so it's spinning around my
face
When I speak the truth I'm fake
When I'm fake I speak the truth
The only time I'm hott is when
I'm speaking nonsense in the booth
the conscious word is under rated
sedated and inflated I don't want
to seem like I'm complaining
but the sun is out while it's raining
big belly kids are not the concern
while the money is the burn
hard to give an education
cuz no one really wants to learn
im letting life take its turn
like the little girl that could
the little girl misunderstood

Free write

the music is violence

the violence feeds off the

silence; reiteration of Lupe

but who say I got the kill

lost sight strange chick but I got the skill 

Free write part 2, so cruel like Jews 

meek millz said he got a dime cuz he knows

5 X2 never really begged to shine, but I know 

whats mine my nose quivers at the swine

and when the smells of evil come out of line 

I had a dude who was confused 

didnt know who to choose he went

for the other so he was gauranteed to lose

spick span shoes like Nigeria on the move

I'm going to Jamaica thats where Stella got her groove

back, lack as obvious as that hard work

beats talent when talent doesnt work hard

if rap was a pool i would love to be the 

life gaurd I swear everything is off the dome

like U.S.A swore Algore would win in 2000

watch me surf the web of rap im bound to 

do  alot of browsing

I dont understand why shorty stands with her man

when he doesnt care about her and slaps her with his left

hand. damn 

talk about domestic violence when you spilling

from the can 

if my lips were tuct with duct tape 

I would find a way to escape FREE

write part 2

let me show you to the case

the code is 7.7.93 thats

when Ayinke was born to be your

fav mc's face 

I Remember When.

I remember when sorry meant I won't do it again. I remember when talent was not based on looks. I remember when I love you meant I want to be with you forever not I want to be with you tonight. I remember when a woman's beauty was based on her face not only her physical assets. I remember when I could pick up my lollipop when I dropped it on the ground  and kiss it up to God and all the germs would go away. I remember when being weird wasn't cool. I remember when I liked to read. I remember when I didn't have much money. I remember living in Newark, New Jersey and thinking fighting everyday was normal. I remember when being an African was looked down upon. I remember when I knew exactly who I was and who I wanted to be. I remember when I didn't have to check over my shoulder twice to see if someone stabbed me in the back. I remember when I could be myself without being judged. I remember when people got a tat for a reason not to just say they're tatted. I remember when twenty - five cents was all I needed to be happy. I remember when a friend meant someone who was there when you were down not only when you're up. I remember when I could say I was a muslim without having to worry about being asked about terrorism. I remember when I trusted people. I remember when I use to care about you. I remember when I gave a f... about opinions. I remember when I had love for everyone. I remember when I was so naive. I remember when life was smooth. I remember when I didn't have to think back to when things were good in order to feel better.

Pet Peeves

I feel like this is going to be my longest blog. Matter fact the longest blog ever. My pet peeves. I mean of course I know I am not perfect but some people take it too far ugh like wtf? I am so annoyed like so annoyed with fake people. If you don't like me just show it. Don't tell other people you hate me and smile in my face like we're cool. Cuz your only hurting yourself anyway, cuz I really don't care if you don't like me. I was not born for you to like me. I hate when a dude stares at me, if you want to talk to me just say hi, I will say hi back. Like I'm really that friendly lol. Just as long as you don't take it too far. Don't stare its mad rude and makes me feel so uncomfortable. I hate when people with the worst problems talk about people. Like the ugliest people I judge ugly people by personality. Ugly people always have something negative to say about others. Like shut up you have the same problem. And you must have low self esteem if you always  try to bring someone down to make yourself feel better. At the end of the day you will still be insecure. I hate when friends laugh at my failure because it makes them feel good about theirs. Like even when I fail and you succeed I will be happy for you. Just because I know if you can do it I know it is possible for me to do it too. This is something I have noticed about people. No one wants to see you make it, or be successful. Or if they want you to make it. They don't want you to make it over them. I never had a true friend before, maybe when I was like six but I don't count that. I dislike players and when guys refer to girls as bitches it is so degrading. I feel like you have no respect for your mother. If you say all females are bitches then you are saying you were conceived from a bitch. Which makes you a bitch, IDIOT.  Some dude called my friend a bitch today. I don't care what she said to you, this dude was a grown man. Who should know from left to right. Do you think calling her a bitch makes you appear as a Superior? I am not bias I totally disagree with girls calling guys niggas too. You girls look even more retarded. Girls are always like I need a real nigga. So you're saying you need a real ignorant un-educated black man? stupid idiot lol. And then girls wonder why they can't find the right one. You keep looking for real niggas and that is exactly what you get lol. I hate when people say they're going to do something and they don't do it. I mean I do this at times too but I try my best not too. I hate when African-Americans make fun of Africans straight from the motherland. The only difference between an African in America and an African-American in America is the means of transportation, African- Americans came with a boat and Africans came with a plane.

Thoughts from the beggar on Bloody Street

What do I do tonight? I just made $500. My stomach is smiling cuz I just had my first  hot dinner from McDonalds in three days. Damn it feels good to be full. Maybe I can finally buy some new gloves cuz these gloves are done for. The holes on my gloves are starting to attract roaches. Do I  sit on the corner asking for more change? Maybe they will pay me because I'm most known on these bloody streets. "I hear em down the corner yelling, Scott Pete." Get off my corner they all say." "I'm tryna sell yay." "Scott out here downtown fooling on broadway." My mom kicked me out the house when I was eighteen. Since then I've been sitting here making sick green. I know everything that goes on around here in Crenshaw, Cali." Last night after asking some rich kid for some change I witnessed three dead bodies." This was normal her on the boulevard of south central LA. A prostitute, a drug dealer and a pimp murdered. That pimp was my best friend from high school Pimp Slick.  He got all the girls back then by just showing his gold teeth.  He is the one that hooked me up with Ashley. I could believe their was murder cause it happened everyday. But I  couldn't believe they got my brother ride or die Pimp Slick.  Everybody knew his wallet stayed fat working at his father's barbershop. I remember high school. I would do it again if I could. Dropped outta school real tho quick cuz I hated to read. I wish I could go back but it's too late. What I look like learning algebra at twenty-eight? "Now I  got a baby on the way little girl Chrisitne." Baby momma in my ear  nagging all the time, "like get a job, you a bum. " I'm like whatever at least I aint got six sons." She like what? I'm like nothing. My baby momma Ashley like" oh ok,  I thought you said sumthin smart I was bout to say. She start nagging again, "Don't you get tired of this corner go back home, get ya shidd together, start acting grown."Ashley is my high school sweet heart we were in love ever since my sophomore year, the year before I dropped out. The year before my life changed.  Ashley was different from me. I don't know wat she saw in my good for nutting ass. I mean Ashley was smart. Ashley graduated number one in our class. She was supposed to go to Yale but she got pregnant by old boy Chris down the block her senior year of high school.

I 'm Happy.

I wish I was as happy as my smile said I am
Saying that they care but they really don't give
a damn
I wish I was as happy as my smile  said I am
life full of hurt and nobody understands
I wish I was as happy as my smile said I am
smile full of lies,
says the palm of my hands
locked lips pinned emotions
letter sealed without a stamp
I wish I was as happy as my smile said I am
I threw my thoughts into a bottle
hoping you will read it
breathe them into your soul
never feel relief and feel the
same stress I felt when I
believed him
that may release the pain I've been
feeling every season
the same pain that I can't let go
my smile says I'm happy
but my mind says no
i'm wishing for another feeling
so I can smile with a truth
false truce, heart stomped upon,
swimming in the lies from you
death pond of hope we'll see
who can survive
love is fighting against our race to be alive
cuz our race attracts to lust of faces
instead of loving what's inside
black pit of agony Angel by the creek
animalistic desires , unrealistic dreams
just to make reality better than what it seems
Dear thoughts how could you knowingly deceive me?
From lips, yours truly, matter fact sincerely.

Cyber Bullying

I read a commentary in the New York Times today October 5, 2011 which mentioned several controversies that may arise if a cyber bullying law is established.  The conflict with addressing cyber bullying is that many states say,"it's amorphous nature and rapidly changing technological aspect of it makes it difficult for court's and school's to address."  The first paragraph of the passage informed how in every five middle school students one of them has been affected by cyber bullying. The statistics can keep going from there. It is crazy because no one really cares about cyber bullying  until it happens to them. To be honest I really did not care until it happened to me.  Basically I feel people do not understand the severity of a case such as this until the extreme occurs. Such as the Rutger's University student who committed suicide because a video of him having intimate relations with a guy was posted on the internet.  Shortly after the incident New Jersey has made laws against cyber bullying. Why is that someone has to die before an issue like this is addressed? Many U.S.A states have failed to incorporate this law in their statutes. I believe it is time for authorities to take action and make laws against cyber bullying. Of course the one being bullied should have evidence of the cyber bullying post because according to law you are innocent until proven guilty. Also, I believe the judicial system does not know how to go about the consequences of the cyber bullying. The real question is how far will the law allow cyber bullying to go? How would you feel if you are in the comfort of your home maybe taking a shower and the next day you check your Facebook and someone has a picture of you naked on their wall post? Not too good I would think. Think about the future generation.

Phobias

God is my greatest fear . There are certain things in life that scare me a lot as well. I try my best to behave as if I'm not afraid of anything but I am. One of the things in life that scares me the most is dying without making a mark on the world. I do not want to die without achieving at least one of my long term goals. The second thing that scares me the most is walking past a group of black guys alone. This may sound stereotypical but you never know if they will try to talk to you, or steal your purse. The third thing that scares me the most is when someone constantly stares at me like what are you thinking about while you're staring? Am I that interesting to look at? Omgosh I am so scared of confrontation or when someone says, "Can I ask you something?" This brings about the worst possible series of questions in my mind that I think the person is going to ask me. Like why don't you just ask the question? Why do you have to ask a question before the real question? I am so afraid of clowns like why are you so happy? No one is really that happy. I feel like when someone smiles too much they are going to do something mischievous. Something else that scares me is failure, I feel like if I fail I have nothing to live for. I feel like the world just stopped and I am the only one in it with this sh** feeling. Another thing that scares me is approaching a professor, they always look pissed off. Being in love is definitely a phobia of mine. I do not want to give someone my heart because that means you trust them enough to hurt it. I am afraid of heart break. I am afraid of letting someone down. People depend on us on a daily basis and I feel if I am not there for someone,  I betrayed them. I am afraid of gaining weight. As a female when your fat it is harder to deal with. People assume you have low self esteem because you're over weight and blah blah blah. Being fat seems hard to deal with. I remember one day my friends and I had a senior trip to dorney park. I had a fat friend who was told he could not get on the rides because he could not fit. That is so embarrassing I do not want to go through that. Another thing that scares me is dying. I do not want to be six feet under alone. That is so scary. Plus I know I am not perfect I have sinned a lot. I try my best to be a good person but yea I hope God forgives me for my sins. Car accidents scare the crap out of me. Over the summer I was in like three car accidents. I never want to experience that again. It is the worst feeling especially when it is your fault.